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RETREAT!!!!! AND THEN WHAT????

   The last article "RETREAT TO THE WALL" brought about some good questions and comments. Most were along the lines of when is enough, enough; before you react, how decisively to react, and how to avoid a confrontation. Most all of these answers lie within you right now. My original suggestion is that you plan ahead. Most of us recognize the potential for a confrontation. When you do, it is easy to side step it if you will. If it is unexpected, that leaves us with only our ability to make quick decisions and react to the degree necessary. One noted Master wrote and said, "when you go, don't worry about your opponent; worry about yourself". Basically I agree. But I still maintain that the degree of action calls for the same degree of reaction. You have to decide what calls for putting someone under restraint and what calls for new body parts. But first lets address the "when is enough, enough question". Basically, When you are obviously out of options (walking, driving away or being unable to verbally defuse the situation). When in your "best" judgment, you need to act. If you can avoid acting out of fear or anger, but from a sense of awareness you will make the right call. Later in the article I will discuss how to do this. 

TIPS FOR AVOIDING CONFRONTATION

1.  When confronted with road rage (yours or theirs) let them proceed. Remember you will never see this person again. Let them drive out of you life forever. 

2.   Do not make eye contact or give the look. You know what the look is. All guys know when you are getting the look. The look connects the emotional bridge. 

3.   Recognize your bad mood day and give a little extra space. 

4.   If you go out to a bar, do not stay after twelve. Ninety percent of the altercations happen after twelve. 

5.   Have an understanding that if someone says something to your companion, that they should not tell you unless they or you are in danger. Spouses or dates that tell you everything that is said to them, are either stupid, or trouble makers themselves. I always give the same response if I need to. "Well I wouldn't want anyone that no one else wanted."

6.   Don't wait until you are angry or have "had enough" to go talk to someone. 

7.   Never get involved in your kids battles unless it is a potentially dangerous situation. You'll put up with anything about you, but you'll kill someone over you child. 

8.   Do not tell someone that you are a martial arts expert and they had better back off. There are many reasons for this. It could sound like a challenge, they may not believe you anyhow, it gives away your element of surprise if you need to go for it, they may then just pull a gun and shoot your well trained butt, or they bring that knowledge back to haunt you later in court. 

9.   Watch saying what you are going to do. Your pride may force you in to it. 

I know some of you are saying ,why should I have to walk on egg shell and be so careful. I learned the martial arts so I wouldn't have too. Well so be it. Start developing a good relationship with an attorney. You are a prime candidate for the Karate hero to chump award. 

"TIPS FOR PREPARING FOR CONFRONTATION"

I am not going to recommend techniques for street situations. Most of you already know them, are teaching them, or are being taught in your dojo. These are suggestions for making ready if all else fails. 

1.   Use the amount of force necessary. In other words, you don't want to tee off on Uncle John who has just lost his mind at your house because of the egg nogg. Or beat a drunk or someone you can tell instantly that you have the advantage over just because you can. I'm not recommending you take any chances or show mercy in a threatening altercation; but you are trained. One of the Isshin-ryu basics is that offense and defense are interchangeable conversions. Now, someone breaks into your house, or pulls a weapon, is a serious threat to you or your family, then you take it to the max. No one has the right to threaten your safety and especially put their hands on you. You can't afford nor should you worry about their safety. Understand in all situations the difference between just getting control, gaining pain compliance, turning their lights out, or beating the ever-loving crap out of them. A well-trained Martial artist can do all of the above. It's about the circumstances and the consequences. It's your call !!!

2.   When threatened keep your hands above your waist. Do not however hold them in a threatening manner. Keep them at your chest slowly rubbing them together in a passive manner. When some of the Shiolin Monks stood in what looked like a prayerful position, it was in reality a defensive one. 

3.   Keep you voice and breathing in check. No need to over excite yourself or your adversary. Say very little and keep it short. Don't argue. Say, "just drop it and lets leave it here. "Or keep saying , "I'm not your problem". Don't become distracted. Keep you eyes open and move in a circle away, opening up the space. Move if possible away from his punching hand. You can determine that by which hand he is gesturing with, which arm his wristwatch is on, or any other tip off you can see. This is not critical, but it will keep you directly out of his power and give you the all-important angle. 

4.   The more he talks the less he really wants to fight. But, don't relax. Watch the eyes. They will tell you when the fire is hot or cooling down. Continue to keep your angle and never let him get in reach of you unless that is your plan. 

5.   If you are coming out of any public place go back in and call the police if necessary. Do not proceed to your car. Especially if it is in a remote area where there are no witnesses. 

6.   If there is more than one, try to determine which one seems the least aggressive. He will look away when you look at him or have a detached look on his face. Fade slowly his way and get him first. Surprise him and you won't have to worry about him all. Then take on the agitator next. He is either a real threat, or just seeing his buddy go down will shock him out of control or scare the crap out of him. I have gotten both reactions from Mr. Agitator. If they are closing down your space or your escape route is cut off take the closest one to you and be quick about it. You are a fighter not a psychologist. Against multiple opponents, I suggest any edged weapon you may be carrying. You have to really have a sense of responsibility to carry one because if you do, sooner or later you will have to decide whether or not to use it. Against an opponent without one . . . never. Against an opponent with one. . . definitely. Against multiple opponents. . I would. . Remember you have exhausted all reasonable efforts to withdraw. It's your call. 

There are some very good drills for multiple opponent training. Your sensei can advise you on them. It is very unusual, unless being the victim of a robbery attempt that you will face multiple opponents. Other circumstances can usually be avoided and are generally your fault for getting in to them. Most of them will have to do with alcohol and the kind of places you go. Backing down or backing away hurts more than a punch in the mouth. The temptation to yank a knot in someone is so great, that you may have to experience court just once to understand the consequences. A few months ago I broke many of the no look, no signs rule, and found myself face to face with someone who wanted to fight. . We just missed hitting each other pulling out of the grocery parking lot. We gave each other the look, and the you're number one sign. I parked and he came screeching up. Jumped out of his car and started cussing and yelling. He was no kid. He was dressed well, and looked like an athlete who was in shape (twenty years ago). He stood there then got into some, hit me anywhere you can find an opening (and there were many) stance, and said if you want to fight then lets go. I was not having a good day but something about this guy and the stance made me laugh. I told him, if we do this, then our nice clothes as well as knees and elbows are going to get torn up. I'm not afraid of you, but I am of my wife, as she gave me this shirt. I said, "what is really wrong with you"? To my surprise he almost immediately calmed down and apologized. He had gotten thrown out of the store already for a run in with the manager. He had some real personal problems. How do I know? We stood and talked about his wife and son for and hour. How he blows up over nothing and is on the verge of losing them. I thought about it off and on all day. There was a part of me that had to deal with not hitting him. The code of the old west within us that makes us who we are. I mean, here's this jerk standing there just begging for it. I had to keep putting the mental images of jumping ugly all over him out of my mind. . So I had to deal with an emotional reaction that I could not allow a physical outlet for. Although I was happy about the end result, I really wanted to do him. But; When I laid down on my couch, I realized that no one would knock on the door and hand me some arrest papers or even ask me questions. That the only true fear I had (arrest) would not be realized. I had dodged a bullet. More importantly I had turned a potential disaster into a win, win, situation. I felt all grown up . . . I must admit being passive and a peacemaker is not my long suite. Those who know me are laughing as you read this. I need more of these happy endings and less of, or none of, the other. . and so do you. I am writing this article because I am eminently qualified to give advice of this nature. I have been on both sides enough to know which works best. You can become a prisoner of your own image. Thus you tend to do what you think others would expect of you. This takes away you personal choice and preference. For this reason, I think my Kung- fu Sifu, gave me the best advise I spoke of in the previous article. "If you truly know what you are capable of, you do not have to prove it to anyone". Most especially, and most importantly . . . . . to yourself.

   Master Denny Shaffer, Ku-Dan